Not My Responsibility.

Originally posted on March 30, 2009 on the Junkies' Wives Club

As some of you may know, my bf has had a continuous hard time staying clean and it basically just wears me out at this point. That's why I come here, for the support, reassurance and suggestions.

My bf went to a detox center on Friday night and we waited two hours only to have him turned away because the beds were full. Being that he doesn't have medical insurance (we're waiting on a Medicaid appeal so he can start treating his recurrence of thyroid cancer) it's hard to find a facility that will take someone in his position. We were told to return the next morning and check back, as many patients just find a place to "sleep it off" and then leave. By the next morning he was already sick (too sick to make it there in his words) and has spent the last 2 days vomiting into a bucket. While I do feel bad seeing him like that, my sympathy is strained. He's done this dopesick dance so many times now, you figure he would get it. Wrong.

Today, Monday, we were supposed to go to Long Island so he could have a consultation with a surgeon regarding his cancer treatment. He was still too ill to go. His mother just called my cell phone wondering how his appointment went and why he wouldn't answer his phone. I currently have his cell phone and it's shut off. The phone is in my name and since he has not been contributing towards paying the bills I figured he didn't need it. It is not my job to pay for my phone plus his own. That was not the deal. His mother was not happy about this, as she wants to be able to contact him when she deems necessary. In the past when I have taken his phone when I did not receive any money from him she would call me and lecture me about how I am preventing her from speaking to her son and would demand to speak with him, or text message me things like " I want him to call me NOW. NO EXCUSES".
I then told her that my bf did not make it to his appointment because he is still sick. She asked me why he did not go to detox this weekend. I told her that he said he was too ill. She asked me "Well, did you TRY to make him go?? Did you attempt to get him there?" She said the same about the missed appointment today, "Why didn't you get him there?!" Then, "you need to reschedule that ASAP. OK?" Her tone was rude and condescending. Not knowing how to respond I just yessed her to death and kept the conversation very brief. What I really wanted to say is "WHY IS THIS MY JOB?! I have school and my own responsibilities! I made the appointment, I arranged a ride for him, I do EVERYTHING! And now it's my fault that he refused to go!?"

How can I respond to her in a way that shows that yes, I DO care about her son, but I cannot run his life for him?