Up and at 'em.

This morning my boyfriend got out of bed around 9:30 and quickly left to "work" at a friend's house where they are building an addition. My boyfriend is a plumber so he's been working on this project on and off for about a year. The funny thing is, I never see any money from it.

Everytime he heads to this "job" he always comes back high. Maybe saying he's going over there is just another way he's saying "I'm going to do some drugs. Be back later!" since he can't actually come out and say that to me. I wish he would. Yesterday I asked him why he continues to lie to my face when he both know exactly what's going on. He said that he wished he didn't have to but I would get mad at him if he told me the truth. I replied "Gee. Why do you think that is. Maybe because doing heroin is a BAD thing?"

For some reason he still has trouble believing that being a junkie is something that's frowned upon. He seems to forget the 4 jobs he's lost in the last year and a half, and the 6 or 7 times he's detoxed. He blocks out the insane amount of money that's disappeared in order to support his habit, and the ridiculous amount of cash that's gone towards his Suboxone treatment.
And I guess he doesn't see lying to me, degrading me, stealing from me and using me as a problem.

Since the whole story has not yet come out on this blog, I will backtrack later and explain more about each of those fuck ups. For now I just want to complain about the present.

I hate when he doesn't answer his phone. It pisses me off to no end. I just want to call AT&T and have it shut off when he doesn't pick up. Maybe that would hinder his drug scoring capabilities.

I hate it when he goes to Fats' house. Fats is this guy (more like a kid, he's 18) who lives across the street. He's a junkie too. My boyfriend pretends to be his friend so Fats will buy him drugs. My boyfriend calls the dealer and gets the dope, telling Fats it costs much more than it really does. I'm sure he's caught on by this point, but his parents pay his rent and basically give him endless cash every month, so it's no sweat off his back. He's not allowed in our apartment and knows that I fucking hate him. I tried to tell him before that my boyfriend has a serious problem and him doing the shit with him is so not helping. He acted like he understood and then proceeded to continue getting high with him. He told me to my face he was done and then just kept doing it. Of course I shouldn't have believed him but it's what I wanted to think. How does that joke go again? How do you tell if a junkie if lying? Their lips are moving.

I'm sick of being wrapped up in this junkie realm of living but I can't find my way out. It's too big of deal not to make it a big deal. I love him, but fuck. This really sucks.