Moon I already know.

Sleep and what I'll never have.

My boyfriend is asleep. For the moment he is at least. It's hard to tell with him, as I assume it's the same with all junkies. Sometime he'll nod off into a coma for 10 minutes and then leap up like he's got some great mission to continue. Other times he'll sleep and sleep and sleep til 18 hours have passed. A whole day wasted. Lately he's been in this sort of in between being awake and being asleep state which I find the scariest of all. He'll be sitting up, smoking a cigarette and the next minute it'll be burning a hole into the floor. I feel like I can't ever sleep when he's like this for fear of him setting fire to the house or doing some other terrible thing.

Sleep is one of the ongoing addict fights we have. When he's high he can't sleep. He has to be up doing something - anything. And usually it's something noisy and irritating that prevents me from sleeping. Like playing his guitar. Or vacuuming. Or putting away pots, pans and silverware. Which of course is when he begins to fade out and then all the fucking clean loud dishes hit the floor. Then I get angry. I get very annoyed when I want to sleep and he doesn't. I'm afraid to go to sleep and wake up an find him on the bathroom floor. Or have my roommate call me and tell me he's passed out in the stairwell again. Or I'm afraid he might find where I've tucked away what little cash I have on me and be off scoring drugs. Or maybe he'll be fucking his ex-girlfriend on my goddamn futon. Who knows?

I feel like since he's sleeping now I should be too. You know how they tell new mothers to sleep whenever their baby does? Well that's what I have to do. Except my baby is an big insensitive douchebag and I wish I could find a sitter for tonight.